You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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