Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
