So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
