i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
