I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
