You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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