does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
