Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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