i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
