hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
