we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize