come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
