I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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