im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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