remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
