Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
A+ Viking dick
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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