Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize