i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
