ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
