Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
