I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
