The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
