I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize