No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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