i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
