I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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