some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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