who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
