just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How does one acquire holy water?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
