So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...