hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
