i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?