The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
