well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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