I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize