It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
