sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
