listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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