It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
