guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
