How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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