A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my mouth tastes like poor choices
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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