Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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