No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
