I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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