definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
