Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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