well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
