Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
