420 ftw
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
