i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize