someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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