I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
