she was so not down for the gang bang
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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