Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
