PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
