my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You ruined the universe
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
