It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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