When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
