Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
