That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
