Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
