just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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