Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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