This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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