Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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