She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
