Yo dont text me then not text me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
